


he's his mother's son after all

by watergator



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mother's Day, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 11:19:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13950471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: dan visits phil's family on mother's day whilst feeling depressed





	he's his mother's son after all

Dan wakes up slowly that Saturday morning. He can feel the bed dip from where Phil moves beside him, and there’s a small breeze of cold air from where Phil peels the duvet off and crawls silently out of bed.

Half of his heart doesn’t want to go today. But he hasn’t really got much of a choice. Phil had planned this little trip weeks ago and Dan hasn’t the heart to tell Phil he hasn’t the energy to go.  
Had it not been for the past week’s events, Dan probably would have half of this problem he’s having right now. He doesn’t particularly love being around Phil when he’s like this, as if he’s dragging his boyfriend down into his own pit of unhappiness. But when his head gets too loud and his heart feels like a rock in chest instead of his beating, pulsing organ in his body; he feels like he’s going to be lost all weekend nonetheless  
  
He knows that Phil doesn’t really love seeing him like this. But there really isn’t much space for choice here; and Phil has to see his mum and the other half of his heart wants to be with his boyfriends family for this tiny holiday.  
  
“Dan, babe, we’re leaving in about an hour.” Comes a soft voice beside him, and it makes Dan feel selfish.  
  
“You gonna get up, yeah?” Phil asks when Dan doesn’t reply. Dan just closes his eyes tighter.  
  
Dan expects Phil to say something else, or leave, but instead, he feels his gentle lips press against his bare shoulder.  
  
“You can stay if you really need to.”  
  
Dan swallows thickly. His stomach twists and pulls from inside him. He feels guilty, yet, feels nothing at the same time.  
  
“Dan?” Phil asks and Dan hates how his voice sounds; so unsure yet so undeniably loving.  
  
He knows Phil’s been looking forward to his weekend with his mother. He knows how much it all means to him. And maybe, maybe Dan’s just jealous because Dan doesn’t have that.  
He can’t take what Phil has away from him just because Dan is feeling bitter.  
  
“No. I’m coming with you.” Dan finally speaks, rolling over to look at Phil. He’s already dressed and ready, eager to go and it clutches at Dan’s heart like something both sore and beautiful.  
  
“You sure? Because if not we can just wait until next week you know?” Phil mumbles against Dan’s shoulder as he presses another kiss there, but Dan shakes his head.

“But it’s not mother’s day next week.” Dan corrects him with a weak smile to which Phil mirrors.  
  
“You’ll be alright, yeah?”  
  
“Promise.”  
  
The groggily make their way to Heathrow. It’s still a little busy and it reminds Dan that maybe half the people in this airport are flying home too. But Dan’s not really flying home. He’s flying to another part of it, a bigger part that he loves really.  
  
The plane ride is silent. Dan can feel the beginnings of a migraine pulsate behind his eyes and he tries sleeping a little, but a baby starts crying a few rows down, and Dan just grips the arm rests tightly, frustration bubbling up in his chest, until Phil places his hand over his own.  
  
He’s in the drips of a depressive episode. It gets like this a few days after a bad one, like the tsunami has hit, he’s survived but now he’s standing in the shallow water – almost shell shocked, trying to walk through it all to find dry land.  
  
They get off the plane and Phil grabs the one suitcase they share between them; they’re only staying one weekend, and are greeted by Phil’s parents outside.  
It’s a little warmer here than back in London, but when Kath engulfs Dan in a tight hug, he feels better for it.  
They go back to the house and see Martyn and Cornelia happily lounging around and there’s a round of hugs and kisses and _how are you_ ’s.  
  
That night when the six of them are sat round the table eating pizza, Dan catches Kath’s gaze towards his plate. He hasn’t eaten much in consideration to everyone else. It’s one the things that change with his depression. He’s either really hungry or not hungry at all.  
He looks up at her, and it’s like looking up at Phil; those eyes that speak a thousand words, all telling him, please eat something, and without her even having to open her mouth, he picks up two more slices of a cheese pizza, and watches her lips curl up a little more.  
  
That night whilst Dan is in bed in the spare room (the spare room that is forever Dan and Phil’s) he watches Phil undress himself, slowly peeling off his jeans and then pulling his t-shirt off clumsily until he’s in nothing but his boxers, Dan wonders if Phil had told his mum beforehand.  
She obviously knew about Dan’s depression; she’d seen the video and told him she’d cried about it. However, Dan wasn’t sure if she’d seen his newest one, the one about living his truth, the one where Dan made a joke about sucking her son’s dick; the one that made Dan feel terrible for the last week.  
  
He guesses Phil had given everyone a heads up before they got here. He loves Phil.  
  
“Did you tell your mum?” Dan whispers as Phil slips in beside him, his eyes already closed.  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“Your mum. Did you tell her about…” Dan trails off; sometimes it’s hard saying it loud whilst it’s all still brewing in his head. But Phil opens his eyes with a small, soft smile and he knows.  
  
“Yeah. Of course.”  
  
Dan nods, he’s grateful he did. He’s grateful that Phil’s family know that maybe sometimes Dan’s brain gets too much, and he’s grateful that even after knowing all day, they haven’t treated him any different than usual.  
  
He feels Phil sleepily press a kiss against his collarbone and soon enough, Phil is asleep. All whilst Dan feels wide awake.  
He thinks about his own mum for a moment.  
  
He thinks about her all the way in Reading, whilst he’s here on the Isle of Man celebrating mother’s day with someone who isn’t her.  
Dan doesn’t let himself linger on that thought for long. He’s taught himself that this type of guilt isn’t worth the pain.  
He’s learnt that through the father’s day and the christmasses he’s spent here. He doesn’t allow himself to feel sad about it. It’s just the way it is.  
  
The next morning Dan sends out two texts. One is to his grandma,  
  
_happy mums day, love you call you later? x_

 The next is to his mother.  
  
_happy mother’s day. dan x_  
  
He only gets one back.  
_  
Thank-you Dan. Call you later love. Lots of love, Grandma xxx_

 He’s remembered to order his mum a book Dan really liked, and had it sent to her house, but he’s not sure she’s got it yet, so he saves himself from texting her twice.  
He wanders downstairs where Phil and everyone else is already awake. No one saying anything but a cheery good morning and Dan grunts one back with a small smile.  
  
Breakfast has already been made, badly, by Phil and Martyn and Dan and Cornelia roll their eyes as the two brothers start screaming about the toast being on fire.  
Kath just laughs and says,  
  
“Nothing has changed from you boys being kids.”  
  
It makes Dan smile.  
  
They eat breakfast and give Kath her presents. She gets a few nice things; a scarf and chocolates from Cornelia and Martyn and a mug and a toaster from Dan and Phil.  
She hugs them all with bright shining eyes, and everyone laughs and has a good time and they make plans to go for a walk and grab lunch on the way back.  
  
Kath wears her new scarf and everyone gets ready to go out. This will be good, Dan thinks. The fresh air and long walks are good for his head, and he feel’s hopeful.  
  
They manage to make their way to the cliffs, and like children, Phil and Martyn are chasing each other, making Dan tense every time Phil would get close to the edge. Cornelia is ahead talking to Nigel, leaving Dan with Kath.  
  
“You know; it won’t be so funny when Phil’s gone over the bloody edge of those cliffs.” Kath remarks watching Phil laughing as Martyn gives him a shove.  
  
Dan give a small laugh, “Yeah, just watching him is giving me anxiety.”  
  
Kath laughs back, “God, try being his mother. That boy gave me grey hairs way before my time.”  
  
Dan snorts, “I think just being his boyfriend is enough for me.”  
  
He realises what he’s said and his eyes go wide but Kath is laughing. He feels his heart slow down it’s racing when he remembers it’s okay. He’s allowed to make off handed comments like that around Phil’s parents. It’s okay.  
  
“He’s your responsibility now Dan, make sure he doesn’t go and trip off the edge of any cliffs, take care of my boy for me.” Kath says, and as Dan looks up to face her, she winks playfully and Dan feels the air escape his lungs.  
  
“Yeah well I think it’s the other way round really. Phil seems to be the one taking care of me these days.”  
  
They stop walking when he feels a hand on his shoulder, he looks back up at Kath. She pulls him into a tight hug.  
  
“You take care of each other.” She simply says into his shoulder, and Dan just nods. She’s right.  
  
They catch up to the others, to find Cornelia yelling at Martyn to get away from the cliff, riling her up like a child, until she swats him on the arm and it’s her chasing him.  
Phil jogs back over to Dan, his hand on his shoulder, just where Kath’s had been moments ago,  
  
“You alright?”  
  
His tone is so delicate and sweet and it reminds him so much of hers. It’s so touchingly warm.  
  
He nods, “Yeah, I’m alright.”  
  
They’ve had lunch, walked home and Nigel put the fire on and now they’re all tired. Dan checks his phone. Still nothing from his mum.  
He said he’d call his grandma before it gets too late but he still has time later.  
  
It’s fine if his mum doesn’t text him back. She’s probably out with Dad or maybe Adrien came down from uni for the weekend; maybe she’s just busy.  
But there’s that guilt seeping back in his heart that he tries to ignore. With Phil curled up by his side on the sofa as the fire crackles, he sends another text to her,  
  
_hey did you get your present in the mail? text me :) x_  
  
She’s genuinely a slow replier, but with Phil snuggled up against him, listening to the conversation around him, he allows himself some peace, and locks his phone and places it screen down on the arm of the chair.  
  
“Text your mum?” Phil asks, looking up at Dan with tired eyes. Dan nods.  
  
“Did she text you back?”  
  
Dan shakes his head. “Not yet.”  
  
Phil just hums, resting his head against Dan’s thigh. Half asleep, and it feels nice, that heavy weight against his leg, the sound of small talk and the heat of the fire reaching his cold skin. It’s the things that ground him here on earth, the things that he can grip at to hold him down. It’s the things he loves.  
  
Cornelia brings out a cake she’d made and everyone sings a weird rendition of happy birthday that gets everyone confused on what to sing, but by the end of it, everyone is laughing heavy, loud laughs and as Kath blows out her candles, everyone cheers.  
  
Dan doesn’t pick at his slice and eats it, engrossed in the conversation they’re all having. He feels Phil look up at him from his side of the sofa and for a moment, they reach eyes. Phil’s eyes are like his mothers. They speak a million words, all that say, _‘you good?’_ And Dan’s sure his own smile he has on his face is saying, _‘yeah, I’m good.’_  
  
Dan’s mum doesn’t text back. Even when everyone heads up to bed with heavy feet and drowsy eyes, he hasn’t had a text back. He’ll call his grandma before bed, but there’s nothing from his mum.  
Dan is left in the kitchen with Kath, as she puts away her cards somewhere nice against the counter by the window.  
  
She catches him frowning at his phone, but he tries to play it off with a forced smile. She sees right through it.  
He expects her to say something, to give him a speech; but instead she gives him those kind eyes, and she gives him a warm hug, and it feels just like home.  
  
“Thanks for today, Dan.” She whispers to him, and Dan could actually cry. He’s glad he came on this trip today.  
  
“Thanks.” Is all he can think to say, but it seems to be enough when she’s hugging him tighter, before she lets him go.  
  
“Goodnight my love.” She smiles at him and Dan smiles back,  
  
“Happy mother’s day, mum.”

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this yesterday in time for mother's day but obviously ao3 decided to crash and die so here's a late angsty feely kinda nice mother's day fic!!
> 
> i actually wrote two versions of this, the other being where dan doesnt tag along (im sure he didnt actually go with phil) but decided to go with this one instead since i needed some dan and kath time lol
> 
> anyways if you enjoyed this fic let me know!! give me a kudos or a comment since they really help !! or come say hi on my tumblr which is @watergator and let me know what you thought !! thanks, bye :)


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